Joke5.co.uk d86253sd593138 https://joke5.co.uk/index.php?title=Main_Page MediaWiki 1.42.5 first-letter Media Special Talk User User talk My wiki My wiki talk File File talk MediaWiki MediaWiki talk Template Template talk Help Help talk Category Category talk 0 1 1 2025-03-10T19:07:11Z MediaWiki default 2 wikitext text/x-wiki <strong>MediaWiki has been installed.</strong> Consult the [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Help:Contents User's Guide] for information on using the wiki software. == Getting started == * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Configuration_settings Configuration settings list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:FAQ MediaWiki FAQ] * [https://lists.wikimedia.org/postorius/lists/mediawiki-announce.lists.wikimedia.org/ MediaWiki release mailing list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Localisation#Translation_resources Localise MediaWiki for your language] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Combating_spam Learn how to combat spam on your wiki] 11cef88175cf81168a86e7c0327a5b2d7a1920f5 11 1 2025-03-14T12:45:24Z Joker 3 wikitext text/x-wiki <strong>Welcome to Joke5.co.uk</strong> This is my small joke collection website, containing jokes I have been collecting for the last 30+ years. The site was on hiatus for few years and as I recently changed hosting providers, is being built up to its former glory. I aim to add at least one joke per day. You can start by reading a [[:Special:Random|random joke]] from our collection or have a look at [[:Special:RecentChanges|the recently added jokes]]. Consult the [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Help:Contents User's Guide] for information on using the wiki software. == Getting started == * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Configuration_settings Configuration settings list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:FAQ MediaWiki FAQ] * [https://lists.wikimedia.org/postorius/lists/mediawiki-announce.lists.wikimedia.org/ MediaWiki release mailing list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Localisation#Translation_resources Localise MediaWiki for your language] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Combating_spam Learn how to combat spam on your wiki] 3b82b2fde9351434917aa83685f70a27639f2556 24 11 2025-03-19T00:59:30Z Joker 3 wikitext text/x-wiki <strong>Welcome to Joke5.co.uk</strong> This is my small joke collection website, containing jokes I have been collecting for the last 30+ years. The site was on hiatus for few years and as I recently changed hosting providers, is being built up to its former glory. I aim to add at least one joke per day. You can start by: * Reading a [[:Special:Random|random joke]] from our collection or * have a look at [[:Special:RecentChanges|the recently added jokes]] Consult the [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Help:Contents User's Guide] for information on using the wiki software. == Getting started == * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Configuration_settings Configuration settings list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:FAQ MediaWiki FAQ] * [https://lists.wikimedia.org/postorius/lists/mediawiki-announce.lists.wikimedia.org/ MediaWiki release mailing list] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Localisation#Translation_resources Localise MediaWiki for your language] * [https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Manual:Combating_spam Learn how to combat spam on your wiki] bb0ba4dd1544c521904820a8991663f1cccfde17 0 2 2 2025-03-11T01:03:22Z Joker 3 Created page with "Why did the blonde move to L.A.? I don't know. Why? It was easier to spell. Easier than what? [[category:Blonde Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki Why did the blonde move to L.A.? I don't know. Why? It was easier to spell. Easier than what? [[category:Blonde Jokes]] 8ec46c139aae65898d7b16053041fbe9d1e2ecba 0 3 3 2025-03-11T09:30:19Z 84.50.166.7 0 Created page with "A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. B: I’m not. I’m her mother! [[Category:People Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. B: I’m not. I’m her mother! [[Category:People Jokes]] 9ef58eff038a753aa3f30073a4d69034019a25db 0 4 4 2025-03-11T09:37:48Z Joker 3 Created page with "It was Friday night and Joseph and his wife, Natalie, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and were now giving each other the silent treatment, vowing not to be the first one to speak. However, at bedtime, Joseph realized that he would need his wife, who always woke up at 4:30am to wake him at 5:00am for golf with his friends. Not wanting to lose the battle of wills, Joseph wrote on a piece of paper: "Natalie, please wake me at 5:00am." The next morning..." wikitext text/x-wiki It was Friday night and Joseph and his wife, Natalie, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and were now giving each other the silent treatment, vowing not to be the first one to speak. However, at bedtime, Joseph realized that he would need his wife, who always woke up at 4:30am to wake him at 5:00am for golf with his friends. Not wanting to lose the battle of wills, Joseph wrote on a piece of paper: "Natalie, please wake me at 5:00am." The next morning, Joseph woke up at 9:00am, having missed the golf game with his friends. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bedside table. It read: "Joseph, it’s 5:00am. Wake up." [[category:People Jokes]] eefa2e2538de685c132957e7661bac31c1be60a4 0 5 5 2025-03-11T09:50:36Z Joker 3 Created page with "A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" Totally flattered, he replied: "No, dear they haven’t." At that point she yelled: "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" [[Category:People Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" Totally flattered, he replied: "No, dear they haven’t." At that point she yelled: "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" [[Category:People Jokes]] b72e38c6c320d688a045b2b1f0b6bb3731520c40 0 6 6 2025-03-11T18:56:54Z Joker 3 Created page with "In the mid 80's a cruiser of the U.S. navy put in to port in Catahegna, Spain, for a week's shore leave. (Well, leave for the crew, not the cruiser.) The first evening, the captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from an upper-class Spanish lady: "Dear Captain, On Thursday, it will be my daughter's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, rich, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. - One last point:..." wikitext text/x-wiki In the mid 80's a cruiser of the U.S. navy put in to port in Catahegna, Spain, for a week's shore leave. (Well, leave for the crew, not the cruiser.) The first evening, the captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from an upper-class Spanish lady: "Dear Captain, On Thursday, it will be my daughter's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, rich, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. - One last point: no Jews - we don't like Jews." Sure enough, at 8 on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door, which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely-mannered, wealthy, single, BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she got out "There must be some mistake". "Madam", said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Military Jokes]] 748e192c8e588e288b083514b999eb96ddadae61 0 7 7 2025-03-11T19:01:14Z Joker 3 Created page with ""Where is Your wedding ring?", asks one Scotshman from another. "Well lad, my wife is wearing it this week." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Scottish Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki "Where is Your wedding ring?", asks one Scotshman from another. "Well lad, my wife is wearing it this week." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Scottish Jokes]] 43b659f317e6a666c1a68866fec73cdadda2ca1b 0 8 8 2025-03-11T19:03:07Z Joker 3 Created page with ""Well, how was it? Painful?" "Yes, he pulled out two of my teeth." "But You had trouble only from one?" "He didn't have a change." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Scottish Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki "Well, how was it? Painful?" "Yes, he pulled out two of my teeth." "But You had trouble only from one?" "He didn't have a change." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Scottish Jokes]] d0b0fa65b9cb44a1d10e4bfaa16e92357cc32ed3 0 9 9 2025-03-11T19:05:55Z Joker 3 Created page with "A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "85 pounds for an extraction sir" was the dentists reply. "Och! huv ye nay got unythin cheaper", replies the Scotsman getting agitated. "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist. "What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?", asked the Scotsman hopefully. "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for 70 pounds", said the den..." wikitext text/x-wiki A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "85 pounds for an extraction sir" was the dentists reply. "Och! huv ye nay got unythin cheaper", replies the Scotsman getting agitated. "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist. "What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?", asked the Scotsman hopefully. "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for 70 pounds", said the dentist. "Hmmmm, what aboot if ye used one of ye dentist trainees and still wi' oot anaesthetic", said the Scotsman. "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say 40 pounds", said the dentist. "Och that's still a bit much, how aboot if ye make it a training session and have yon student do the extraction and the other students watchin and learnin", said the Scotsman hopefully. "Hmmmmm, well OK, it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only 5 pounds in that case", said the dentist. "Wonderful, it's a deal" said the Scotsman ... "Can ye book me wife for next Tuesday?" [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Scottish Jokes]] fc072a12690fb7ab5c2373f12fe2d325fd9014f6 0 10 10 2025-03-14T00:21:25Z Joker 3 Created page with "<pre>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 1990 12:36 From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic) Subject: The King in outer space </pre> ELVIS IN FREE FALL Some clever devil worked up a chart showing how much ELVIS PRESLEY would weigh at various sites in the solar system. The King tipped the scales at 255 when he died and, according to this chart, this means he would weigh about: <pre> 7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury or Mars 232 pounds on Venus or Uranus 43..." wikitext text/x-wiki <pre>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 1990 12:36 From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic) Subject: The King in outer space </pre> ELVIS IN FREE FALL Some clever devil worked up a chart showing how much ELVIS PRESLEY would weigh at various sites in the solar system. The King tipped the scales at 255 when he died and, according to this chart, this means he would weigh about: <pre> 7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury or Mars 232 pounds on Venus or Uranus 43 pounds on the Moon 648 pounds on Jupiter 275 pounds on Saturn 303 pounds on Neptune 13 pounds on Pluto </pre> Chris Mojo, a New York guitarist, told reporters that he used to have the chart on the back of his business cards. He said he borrowed the idea from Billy Gibbons, lead singer of the rock group ZZ Top. Mojo added: "Everybody told me that was the best opening line for picking up women ever. Like, 'Do you know how much ELVIS would weigh on Pluto?'" The reporters took this information straight to Graceland, where they found frowns of disapproval to be universal. "It's really kind of tasteless," sniffed Todd Morgan, a spokesman for that gaudy mecca. "We have a lot more important things to worry about..." [[Category:Jokes from 1990]] [[Category:Music Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]] 8d3389698869805f85301828b63e7a3841bf965b 0 11 12 2025-03-15T20:51:06Z Joker 3 Created page with ""Doctor, is it really true that eating carrots make your eyes work better?" (or ... improves ones eyesight") "Of course, have You seen any rabbits, wearing glasses?" [[Category:Animal Jokes]] [[Category:Medical Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki "Doctor, is it really true that eating carrots make your eyes work better?" (or ... improves ones eyesight") "Of course, have You seen any rabbits, wearing glasses?" [[Category:Animal Jokes]] [[Category:Medical Jokes]] 5f25d3ab849016bd39df7d7f441759599124873e 0 12 13 2025-03-15T20:53:21Z Joker 3 Created page with "In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." [[Category:Religion Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." [[Category:Religion Jokes]] 9312f7e9ee8652a025f69f49f082b93b8a47e87c 14 13 14 2025-03-15T22:50:49Z Joker 3 Created page with "Blonde jokes are a type of humor that often play on stereotypes about people with blonde hair, typically portraying them as less intelligent or naive. These jokes have been around for centuries, originating from satirical depictions of blonde women in the 1700s. While they can be funny, it's important to remember that they are based on outdated and unfair stereotypes. The intention behind these jokes is usually light-hearted, but they can be offensive if taken serious..." wikitext text/x-wiki Blonde jokes are a type of humor that often play on stereotypes about people with blonde hair, typically portraying them as less intelligent or naive. These jokes have been around for centuries, originating from satirical depictions of blonde women in the 1700s. While they can be funny, it's important to remember that they are based on outdated and unfair stereotypes. The intention behind these jokes is usually light-hearted, but they can be offensive if taken seriously or used to demean someone. 2b30a828a6c280882ac7ee7857cabed9a11c463a 0 14 15 2025-03-15T23:05:10Z Joker 3 Created page with "Question: Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? Answer: Because there was no chemistry. [[Category:People Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki Question: Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? Answer: Because there was no chemistry. [[Category:People Jokes]] ba4df84ff03947fc5d68156e19f891e6b6e4c533 0 15 16 2025-03-15T23:53:32Z Joker 3 Created page with "A renowned and very well respected minister died. A short time later, another equally respected colleague died, and found himself on the stairway to Heaven. He was given a bag of chalk and told to write, one on each step, of the sins he had committed. After many hundred of steps he noticed his predecessor was waliking dowh the stairs. Enquiringly he asked "Have you finished and have now been permitted to Enter the Kingdom?" The reply was "No, I am on my way down for s..." wikitext text/x-wiki A renowned and very well respected minister died. A short time later, another equally respected colleague died, and found himself on the stairway to Heaven. He was given a bag of chalk and told to write, one on each step, of the sins he had committed. After many hundred of steps he noticed his predecessor was waliking dowh the stairs. Enquiringly he asked "Have you finished and have now been permitted to Enter the Kingdom?" The reply was "No, I am on my way down for some more chalk!" [[Category:People Jokes]] [[Category:Political Jokes]] 29ba0fc19f5b37a7d62b93b488f6c8c15c12885c 0 16 17 2025-03-16T00:00:06Z Joker 3 Created page with "Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing God said to them was: "Don't!" "Don't what?" Adam asked. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," said God. "Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly. "It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after maki..." wikitext text/x-wiki Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing God said to them was: "Don't!" "Don't what?" Adam asked. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," said God. "Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly. "It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and he was very angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why DID you do it?" God asked exasperatedly. "I dunno," Adam answered. God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. <i>There is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be so hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling his children, what makes you think it should be a piece of cake for you?</i> [[Category:Religion Jokes]] 4d8cf52de1a9b2a34f2798c5c44fdce3218e6bbd 14 17 18 2025-03-16T00:04:51Z Joker 3 Created page with "Ethnic jokes are a form of humor that relies on stereotypes about specific ethnic groups. These jokes often highlight perceived cultural differences, behaviors, or traits, and can sometimes be used to mock or belittle the targeted group. While many people may find them funny, it's important to recognize that ethnic jokes can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and contribute to prejudice and discrimination. It's always best to be mindful of the impact such jokes can have on..." wikitext text/x-wiki Ethnic jokes are a form of humor that relies on stereotypes about specific ethnic groups. These jokes often highlight perceived cultural differences, behaviors, or traits, and can sometimes be used to mock or belittle the targeted group. While many people may find them funny, it's important to recognize that ethnic jokes can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and contribute to prejudice and discrimination. It's always best to be mindful of the impact such jokes can have on individuals and communities. eeac71672ba6942c27b51fddc6b43cc886eecd11 0 18 19 2025-03-17T01:52:02Z Joker 3 Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 1 Jul 1994 19:35 From: nathan@hal.com (Nathan Hoover) Subject: A Lost Transcript from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" </pre> Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." Geordi presses a key, an..." wikitext text/x-wiki <pre> Date: Fri, 1 Jul 1994 19:35 From: nathan@hal.com (Nathan Hoover) Subject: A Lost Transcript from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" </pre> Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled: "What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?" Data turns to answer: "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions." Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea." ... 15 Minutes Later ... Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'." Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase." Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we missed." Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards. Riker: "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F ..." Geordi, excited: "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0%!" Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?" Data: "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can reduce their functionality." ... Two Hours Pass ... Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?" Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'. Picard: "How much time will that buy us?" Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours." Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." Picard: "Identify." Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo!" Over the speakers: "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY." Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects." Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!" Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive deep space?!" Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!" Riker and Picard together horrified: "Lawyers!!" Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived." Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with pieces of paper." Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' -- it often proves fatal." Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!" Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that." [[Category:Jokes from 1994]] [[Category:Lawyer Jokes]] [[Category:MicroSoft Jokes]] [[Category:Sci-Fi Jokes]] 998345476f837ba4a5923b11d79e5d7bef822f1f 0 19 20 2025-03-18T00:40:49Z Joker 3 Created page with "A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn in Dublin. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:Irish Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn in Dublin. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:Irish Jokes]] a264af474960e51e5bed91dbdc76fe63203c29fa 0 20 21 2025-03-18T00:42:24Z Joker 3 Created page with "An irish accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, "Do you know what I do?" "Daddy says you’re a CPA." "That’s right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?" "Well, he says you’re a complete pain in the arse." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:Irish Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki An irish accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, "Do you know what I do?" "Daddy says you’re a CPA." "That’s right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?" "Well, he says you’re a complete pain in the arse." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:Irish Jokes]] 3752ced2a5d9dc4149811cd6d588a148b6af61b0 0 21 22 2025-03-18T00:45:14Z Joker 3 Created page with "There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a divisional manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question: "How much is 2+2?". The journalist answered "22 period". The social worker said "I don’t know the answer but I’m glad you have raised this important question". The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician..." wikitext text/x-wiki There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a divisional manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question: "How much is 2+2?". The journalist answered "22 period". The social worker said "I don’t know the answer but I’m glad you have raised this important question". The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician said "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with a following short proof". The attorney stated "In the case of O’Leary vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4." The trader asked "Are you buying or selling?" The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice "Now what would you like it to be?" [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]] 39d1540e141e1491d531be7d4cdb71ec5929d7b4 0 22 23 2025-03-18T00:47:44Z Joker 3 Created page with "An accountant from Cork applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview. They ask him a number of questions and one of the panel suddenly says "What is nine multiplied by four?" He thinks quickly and says "Thirty five." When the interview is over he goes outside, takes out his calculator and finds the correct answer is not thirty five. He thinks “Well, I blew that” and goes home very disappo..." wikitext text/x-wiki An accountant from Cork applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview. They ask him a number of questions and one of the panel suddenly says "What is nine multiplied by four?" He thinks quickly and says "Thirty five." When the interview is over he goes outside, takes out his calculator and finds the correct answer is not thirty five. He thinks “Well, I blew that” and goes home very disappointed. Next day he is rung up and told he has got the job. "Wonderful," he says, "but what about nine multiplied by four? My answer wasn’t right." "We know, but of all the candidates you came the closest." [[Category:Ethnic Jokes]] [[Category:Finance Jokes]] [[Category:Irish Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]] 54b35691929ed10be8f0246422674113ba0f8145 0 23 25 2025-03-19T01:09:34Z Joker 3 Created page with "Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 19:30 From: markp@microsoft.com (Mark Pennington) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny <i>Not an original joke, but forwarded to me by my friend Mike who had it forwarded to him, etc.</i> A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his s..." wikitext text/x-wiki Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 19:30 From: markp@microsoft.com (Mark Pennington) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny <i>Not an original joke, but forwarded to me by my friend Mike who had it forwarded to him, etc.</i> A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper. Of course he was soon arrested for rustling ... [[Category:Jokes from 1994|1994]] [[Category:People Jokes]] b7afec8edeaad03a74a661b0bcb026e583fb3c3d 26 25 2025-03-19T01:10:33Z Joker 3 wikitext text/x-wiki Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 19:30 From: markp@microsoft.com (Mark Pennington) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny <i>Not an original joke, but forwarded to me by my friend Mike who had it forwarded to him, etc.</i> A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper. Of course he was soon arrested for rustling ... [[Category:Jokes from 1994]] [[Category:People Jokes]] b3caff74a1de453d752857ea31684c3ed4c8cb6f 27 26 2025-03-19T01:11:14Z Joker 3 wikitext text/x-wiki <pre> Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 19:30 From: markp@microsoft.com (Mark Pennington) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny </pre> <i>Not an original joke, but forwarded to me by my friend Mike who had it forwarded to him, etc.</i> A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper. Of course he was soon arrested for rustling ... [[Category:Jokes from 1994]] [[Category:People Jokes]] 8eedaa96fc992abea826a6ff676163fc46b24a3a 0 24 28 2025-03-20T01:45:57Z Joker 3 Created page with "<pre> Received from Thomas Ellsworth / via: gcfl.net Date: Sent Thursday, October 10, 2019 </pre> The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983! [[Category:Jokes from 2019]] [[Category:Medical Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]]" wikitext text/x-wiki <pre> Received from Thomas Ellsworth / via: gcfl.net Date: Sent Thursday, October 10, 2019 </pre> The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983! [[Category:Jokes from 2019]] [[Category:Medical Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]] 53fe2f96b2ca451beb84697cdda3da55a5ef4772 29 28 2025-03-20T01:48:28Z Joker 3 wikitext text/x-wiki <pre> Received from Thomas Ellsworth / via: gcfl.net Date: Sent Thursday, October 10, 2019 </pre> The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983! [[Category:Jokes from 2019]] [[Category:Medical Jokes]] [[Category:People Jokes]] [[Category:Police Jokes]] 2e8badc60cf51c14cd65fd764647e4e0d7c6ee4c